Fruit flies....

How to get rid of a fruit fly infestation in 10 easy steps:

(1) Clean your kitchen top to bottom, sanitizing all surfaces.

(2) Remove any fruit or vegetables from countertop surfaces. Store in enclosed containers or a fridge, as is appropriate for the fruit or veg.

(3) Use a little vinegar or bleach to clean out the garbage disposal after running half a lemon or lime through it.

(4) Take out the trash and sanitize all waste bins thoroughly.

(5) Go to the gas station.

(6) Buy several gallons of gasoline.

(7) Pour the gasoline liberally over any and all surfaces that have been associated with the fruit flies.

(8) Strike a match and watch the house burn to the ground from a safe distance.

(9) Relocate to a tropical island.

(10) Repeat until you finally escape the fruit flies.

I'm kidding - PLEASE don't commit arson. It's just getting annoying - they have decided that the filtered water out of the fridge is a great water source so I can't get ice out of the dispenser without killing a small handful of the little buggers. I have worked with them for research projects before, their life cycle is really short but they can live off of very, very limited food resources, even the junk in the drain, and reproduce so exponentially you wouldn't even be able to imagine it unless you'd done work with them in the past. All will be well here in two weeks, using only bleach or vinegar, and no arson will be committed.

*No gasoline was harmed in the making of this post.*

*Edit: In Step 9 it should be noted that the relocation should be accompanied by a considerate and attractive partner of whatever gender you prefer to ensure mental health during the transition. I would recommend also ensuring it is accompanied by a spiced rum and coconut beverage, as ethanol is a great disinfectant and coconut water a wonderful source of electrolytes. White sand and crystal clear waters also recommended but not required.*

True Power

I am Amanda, possessor of opposable thumbs.

I can open doors (endlessly) and cans of tuna (occasionally).
I can work a water faucet and cut tines off bales of hay.
I can single-handedly clean a litter box while holding a baby bunny in the other hand.
I can wield a knife and remove apple treats from the fruit.
Of the 15 of us on this tiny ranch, I am the only one of us that can do all of these things.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Now I will snuggle a 3-week old baby bunny.

California Shenanigans

I should probably write the "Storm Area 51" post first, but instead I will write upon California.

"It's 72 degrees, zero chance of rain, it's been a perfect day..." - James Blunt, Stay the Night

To be perfectly honest, California was a sequence of perfect days.  I went to visit colleagues and collaborators at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory for a week, and stayed with an old friend and had a great time.  On Friday we left work early (3PM) to head out to Leo Carrillo state beach for beach camping and grilling and campfires and music and sing alongs and card games and happiness.  At one time I was about the most bored I'd been in the past 4 years and the most happy, because I couldn't quell my boredom with Netflixed TV shows (no service) but rather had to sit back and lazily enjoy it.  It lasted about all of 8.5 minutes before I was running into the waves and losing my bikini bottoms to a 6-foot nasty thing, climbing rock cliffs and having the lifeguard yell at me to get down, smuggling White Claw in a coffee cup out to a secret cove only accessible at low tide, having to swim out when tide came in...  And then I remembered why I don't let myself get bored.  If I get bored, I get into shenanigans.

Let's please remember that word: SHENANIGANS.  Because that is what the rest of this post is about.

Saturday at some point, my friend Saul texts me, "I'm coming to California, will you be there?  Do you want to hang out?"  I responded, "My flight is Sunday evening and I need to do work Monday."  "You can do work in California.  Stay through Tuesday night.  Move your flight.  I'll take care of you while you work."  I called Delta.  After much pleading and begging they waived all but $35 of my fees.  Okay, that's fair.  "Saul, pick me up from Brenner Park at 7PM."  "Got it mami,* I'll be there."

*Mami is literally Spanish for mommy, but for some Spanish speaking cultures it means more like, "sweet girl" or "baby girl" or "babydoll" or anything like that.  Like, to your daughter, "that's such a great painting, mami! Make me another," all the way to, "those are nice jeans, mami, I'd like to see them on my bedroom floor."  Versatile in its application and acceptance.  Like "sweetheart" in English I suppose, although I don't speak enough Espanol to really understand all the connotative differences.  I suppose the main difference between calling your kid sweetheart, your sister sweetheart, your friend sweetheart, and a woman you met at the bar sweetheart is context and innuendo anyway... //end digression

He picks me up, we set destination "Malibu" and I find an AirBnB.  Looks good, cheap, in Topanga Canyon.  We get there late (had to stop for groceries) and crash out almost immediately.  I wake up at 7:30, 8:00AM telecon.  Saul hadn't seen the Canyon before but said it looked like the part of Mexico where he grew up.  When he joined me on the porch, he was blown away by the views.  It's so beautiful up there.  I jumped on my telecon as Saul said he would make us breakfast.  Telecon went well, Saul cleaned out the cooler we got the weekend before out at Area 51 and just as my telecon ended he walked behind me into the frame of the camera... In a partially buttoned white shirt that shows off his large muscles with his curly dark hair cascading down to his shoulders.  Now there are going to be all kinds of stories circulating Georgia Tech about my hot Latin lover and that's why I'm in California. Ha ha ha...

After mucho discussion between him and his friends, me and mine, eventually we set the GPS to Leo Carrillo again.  We get out there, find a spot to park, and walk out to the cove that is usually so isolated and alone.  It's a Monday.  I bring my computer because this is supposed to be where Saul naps and I get some writing done.  The cove is packed with people.  There are a lot of signs.
"340,000 minutes"
"That's how long I've known you."
"I've known you only 2% of my life."
"I do know one thing for certain after 340,000 minutes."
"I love you."
"I want to spend all the rest of my minutes with you."
"Marry me."
Ha ha ha!  That's why it's packed!  These are friends and family waiting to witness a marriage proposal.

Obviously this is not going to be the quiet writing retreat I had planned...  so we toss our things down in a sheltered area and start to explore.  The cave is open but tide is coming in.  Waves are high and getting higher.  We climb up a cliff and look down and I say, "We can go down there, but it gets dangerous when the waves come in and you are in flip flops."  He takes off a flip flop and tosses it down.  Looks me dead in the eye with a sly little grin as he tosses the other off. "Now we have to go, mami."

I didn't go, but he did.  He survived.  We made it to a hotel on Venice Beach that has a sign "no shenanigans."  I had to explain that his sandal thing was "shenanigans."  We watched the sun set over the ocean in a cool summer breeze, then went to the Getty and to In and Out the next day (hey, both are high class Cali establishments last I checked). 

I didn't finish writing that memory when it was fresh like I intended to.  Now it's clouded by time and struggles and... Science is so much more funny.

It's raining now, unexpectedly, and that's probably the best thing ever.  You can never beat a good thunderstorm.

Noah's ark is a parable for Scientific Writing

To preface this, I have to say you'll need a little education on how the Noah's ark story works, or on how Scientific Writing works.  Please scroll to whichever section you require prior to scrolling down to the main story....

Noah's Ark

Told in Genesis Chapter 6+, I'm going to end on Chapter 8, just cause, and I'll paraphrase Chapters 6 & 7.
Chapter 6:  God identifies a problem.  Man, it's a big problem, like a giant problem and the world is going to end.  God looks at the problem, comes up with a generalized solution, and asks if someone will do it for him.  Noah says, "Okay...."
Chapter 7:  God gives more specific instructions.  Noah says, "okay."  Then the flood starts, waters rising, but Noah's safe because he was following God's instructions to build and maintain an Ark to save humanity and all of Earth's creatures.  Everyone else perished.  The flood continued.
Chapter 8: (here I'll quote directly below)
6 After forty days Noah opened a window he had made in the ark
7 and sent out a raven, and it kept flying back and forth until the water had dried up from the earth.
8 Then he sent out a dove to see if the water had receded from the surface of the ground.
9 But the dove could find nowhere to perch because there was water over all the surface of the earth; so it returned to Noah in the ark. He reached out his hand and took the dove and brought it back to himself in the ark.
10 He waited seven more days and again sent out the dove from the ark.
11 When the dove returned to him in the evening, there in its beak was a freshly plucked olive leaf! Then Noah knew that the water had receded from the earth.
12 He waited seven more days and sent the dove out again, but this time it did not return to him.

Scientific Writing

Told in NSF, NASA NSPIRES, etc...  I'm going to use NASA as an example and paraphrase all but the last bit, as I did with the biblical account.
NASA Science Plan:  NASA identifies a problem.  Man, it's a big problem, like a giant problem and the world is going to end.  NASA looks at the problem, comes up with a generalized solution, and asks if someone will do it for him.  Several research groups say, "Okay.... How about we do it this way?" The research groups propose some solutions, and NASA / NSF / NIH / whoever selects the one(s) they want to do it.
Grant Review:  NASA gives more specific instructions.  Research group says, "okay."  Then the research starts, political flood waters rising, but the research group is safe because they are following NASA's instructions to build and maintain [something].  Everyone else perished due to lack of funding.  The political flood continued.  NASA demanded publication of data.
Data Management Plan: (here I'll avoid quoting directly because believe it or not legalese is wordier than Leviticus) NASA says: "Publish your stuff ASAP so the public will stop accusing us of conspiracy theories." (Totally paraphrased with intent definitely implied but could be close to accurate, who knows.)  Typically this means sending a manuscript to a journal, seeing if it will stick, but it will come back, and then you send it again with revisions, etc...  Eventually the little birdie will find a place to land permanently, and it will be published forever in the annals of scientific literature.

Our Story Writing Scientific Literature

We sent out the raven of our first draft.  It didn't land, and it didn't even come back to us, it was referred to a different journal.  Shucks.  So we modified the manuscript and sent out a dove to the new journal. It came back this time, but it hadn't landed - major revisions were required.  So we sent it back with revisions.  It came back - this time minor revisions - the dove had an olive branch!!  So we sent it again... and it came back.  So we sent it again.  It came back.  We sent it again.  It came back.  We sent it again.  It came back.  All this time revisions are little things like "Blur currency in images," and "don't include copyrighted images."  We sent it again.  We're still waiting to hear back...

The Moral of the Story

A lot of times in life, you raise a little birdie and you let it fly free.  You never know where it will roost, and you definitely don't know when.